Halfway to Nowhere
by DearSweetPapercut
Summary: "A part of him wanted to laugh at how odd it was for him to want her but resent her so much in one moment." A Sandle One-shot inspired by the song "Stuck in the Middle" by Parachute


Sandle- inspired by the song "Stuck in the Middle" by Parachute.

Set in season 11

Been working on this a while, I don't know why but I felt like I could never get it quiet right but enjoy, and please review!

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

**Halfway to Nowhere **

_If anyone asked, they wouldn't have been able to say when this had started. Maybe it was in fact the moment they met that this bittersweet non-love story had turned into reality rather than being writing confined in the pages of a diary belonging to a love sick teenager. _

_If anyone asked they wouldn't have been able to explain why. They wouldn't have been able to justify what they were doing or any of the actions that had come before, because there was no good reason. Not really. _

They lay in bed awake and silent. There are no words they can exchange in this moment that would make things better.

After they were finished she always felt disgusted with herself. She would wait until he had fallen asleep before she would get up and dress, then leave as if she were never there. He would wake up to the cold side of her bed. As if they were in a relationship they had developed habits like any other couple; she always slept on the same side of the bed. But this wasn't a relationship. They had never put a label on their encounters. They never spoke of what they'd done in the confines of his bedroom.

She had come to him with an expression that said not to ask. He never did. He never said a word. He just kissed her with a sadness and a need that only he had managed to show her. She would give him similar fervent responses and they would start another round of their deceit. It hadn't been long since Sara had returned that the same mind numbing longing that had plagued him when she had previously been a part of the team was making its way into his daily life again. He had expected it, he hadn't resisted it. Greg had learnt to accept that sense of longing as a side effect of being in Sara's company. It was something that seemed to always be there.

As he lay there he wondered what it was that had brought her to his bed after all of these years. _Why now?_ Things were supposed to better. Things were supposed to be different. She was supposed to be happy. She had gotten married to the man she had spent years pining over and loving from a distance. But here she was the same pained expression on her face as she stared at the ceiling, not wanting to look him in the eye.

He couldn't count the number of times she had turned up at his door, just as she had done tonight, in the hope that he would chase away the depression. For some reason he always accepted her. Never once did he say no to her advances, not even the times she turned up half way gone with the alcohol in her blood stream.

She had done exactly that tonight. He could smell the gin on her breath as she stepped over the door frame and into his arms; her dark eyes on him, asking him to make his move. He did just that, pushing her up against a wall he attacked the spot on her neck that made her toes curl with his lips while masterfully undoing her trousers. He didn't wait, or lead her to his bedroom, it was clear what she had come for; he took her then and there against the wall. But instead of leaving she poured herself a glass of wine lingering in silence; she needed to lose herself to the sex and alcohol before that persistent pain in her chest went away.

Today was just another night. Greg knew that. They had gone back to the way they had acted before she had left; pretending that there was nothing special about their friendship to spend a few hours a night forgetting their commitments. If Greg was honest with himself he wasn't okay with what they had. He wanted more. He needed more. But those few hours were all Sara was willing to give him.

Greg closed his eyes and slowed his breathing pretending to be asleep. It was Sara's cue. She pulled herself up her head thumping, Sara found her clothes and quickly put them on. She had to leave. It was all too much. She didn't want to come here. She didn't want to betray her husband. She didn't want to hurt him. But as the burning sensation of the fifth glass of gin caused as it slid down her throat she remembered how he had made her feel when they were together, the intensity of his kisses, his agonisingly gentle touch. So instead of collapsing in drunk in a bar she picked herself up and forced her unwilling heart to quiet down.

After she had gone he laid tangled in his bed sheets the smell of her and their sex still lingering in the room. Sara was like a ghost haunting him, tormenting him. He felt empty. He felt used. He wanted to be able to wake up with Sara, to be able to kiss her whenever and wherever he wanted, to be able to call her his in front of everyone. But Greg knew that wasn't going to happen because as much as he wanted it to be different Sara didn't want him. She just needed him.

Greg closed his eyes and pushed the thoughts out of his mind like he always did.

xxx

The next day he barely looked at her during their morning briefing. He felt a sense of relief when he heard that they weren't going to be paired together that day. Greg was angry, something he often was after the nights they spent together. He was angry with her for not being able to give him what he really wanted. He was angry with himself for just giving in to her silent demands.

Sara knew he was avoiding her, and she didn't blame him. She wanted to treat him better but Sara realised that she didn't know how. She didn't know how she could give him what he wanted without having everything she had built fall apart.

When Sara finished her shift that day she went to a bar. She ordered a whiskey sour and then instead of going home having had one drink to take the edge off she ordered another. It was a bad idea she knew that. It was time to admit that there was something wrong, that the things she had done were wrong. Sara thought of her husband. He was probably sitting in his beautiful gothic office, pouring over notes in order to prepare his next lecture their wedding photo taking pride of place on his desk. Just the thought of him made guilt weigh heavy on her in order to stop the feeling from taking over she ordered another drink.

xxx

Greg knew where she was. She always went to the same bar. The thought of her in the beautifully broken state she was in made his heart jump to his throat. He cared so much for her it physically hurt him. He couldn't just sit there knowing that she was drinking herself to oblivion. So instead of staying away from her like he promised himself he would Greg grabbed his car keys and headed to find her.

xxx

As he stepped into the bar he could see her slumped in the corner running a fingertip around the rim of an empty glass. There were tears running down her cheeks he noticed as she lent her head back against the wall. She looked vulnerable. She looked broken. And a part of him wanted to turn around a walk away but he knew that he was a part of this mess. Greg stood in front of her and silently offered her a hand. She attempted to smile but it felt like all her energy was being wasted. Sara took his hand pulling herself up she grabbed her coat.

They walked out into the day neither one of them saying a word. They recently realised that they didn't speak anymore, not like they used too. Talking was too risky. Soon enough one of them would start talking about feelings and everything they had been hiding would come pouring out. One of them would break the others heart. There was no way around it.

Greg pulled up outside of Sara's town house and waited for her to leave his eyes fixed straight ahead. Sara didn't move. She sat perfectly still while she figure out what she was going to do. She hated it when he was angry with her.

"Greg..." she muttered to get his attention. He turned to her his brown eyes filled with hurt causing her to sober slightly. "I'm sorry..."

"Yeah..." Greg smirked, turning away from her again. He couldn't bear to look at her because he knew if he did he would be wrapped around her little finger just like before.

"I really am..." she started talking again but stopped when she began fully understanding Greg's anger.

Sara left the front door to her town house open for Greg in the hope that he would follow her in. Greg smacked his hands against the steering wheel out of frustration. _Why did she do this to him?_ He locked his car and slammed her front door shut.

"What do you want from me Sara?" He yelled at her as she stood in the kitchen making coffee. Sara turned to Greg. She had never seen him like this.

"I...nothing..." she looked down at her feet.

"Then you can't keep doing this to me Sara." Greg moved until there was no more than an inch between them. "I need _more_ Sara. You can't keep stringing me along like this."

"I can't." she whispered. It was all Greg needed. He had always known that if it ever came down to choosing between what they had and her marriage Sara would pick the life she had spent years building.

"I'm done." He said unable to look her in the eye. It took a few moments for his decision to sink in but he knew it was right thing to do. In a way he had always known that letting go of her was the right thing to do.

Greg looked up, his hazel eyes meeting Sara's, he felt breathless. A part of him wanted to laugh at how odd it was for him to want her but resent her so much in one moment. His lips twitched up in a nervous smile that disappeared to be replaced with a blank expression as he attempted to slow his heart rate down. A tear was sliding down her cheek. This was it.

He was going to break his heart.

He was going to break her heart.

"I'm letting it go..._I'm done with this half way love_...I'm...just...done Sara." He took a deep breath and turned to walk away from her like he should have done on that first day instead of taking her to bed.

xxx

Greg didn't know how long he had been driving but the further he got away from Sara's house the better he felt. He slowed down and took a look around at the dessert that surrounded him, the glimmer of sun at the horizon the only reminder of the day that had just gone. There was something calming about the stillness of the surrounding dessert. He stopped the car and stepped out into the evening air.

A thought of Sara floated through his mind; the way they kissed, the way she smelt, the way they just seemed to fit.

But something surprised Greg, something was different, it hurt so much to let her go that he couldn't feel it any more.

_So he drifts off, white stripes, wrong side headlights  
>drops his hands and hold his breath tight<br>and says_

_I'm letting it go  
>I know that I'm caught right in the middle of<br>I'm in between it all  
>Oh I'm done with this half way love<br>that I'm here right in the middle of  
>and all I'm asking is to give me more<br>more than this heartbeat_

**The End **


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